Release

I've written before, several times about the fact that sometimes spanking just enables me to let go of things and release tension.

It's strange because sometimes I don't even realise just how much tension I'm holding inside myself until it does come out. It's scary to think that I carry that crap around inside me every day, and that it often gets very little chance for release. I'm often so focused on being strong, and coping with life, getting on with it, proving that I can deal with everything on my own and don't need anyone else, that I forget to acknowledge that this independence that I love and value does come at a cost sometimes. That cost being letting myself get more stressed than I maybe need to or should.

This is where spanking can be a bit of a sanity saver, because if I'm not even aware that I have so much stress inside me, it's hard for me to do anything about that! The sort of spanking where I do just let go, eventually, can be a very good thing, even if it doesn't feel like it at the time. Usually what makes me start crying is the pain, but that's not why I continue crying. I continue crying because I need to.

And this is where it can get really difficult for a top. I get that having a girl shed a few tears in front of you can be hot. Having a girl who's totally distraught is probably rather less hot. But as that girl who has been totally distraught like that, I know that sometimes I need the spanking to carry on. That I'm not done with letting go and letting out, and I need more. Maybe not harder, or even hard, just more. Of course, sometimes I don't need for it to carry on. Sometimes I need to just be left curled up in a ball to cry. Sometimes I need to be hugged through it. And as a top, how on earth are you supposed to know which time this is? Goodness knows, but I am grateful that I have people who are brave enough to push me enough that I can release some of that tension. Without that, I may well have ended up locked in a nice, white, padded room by now!