Yes, I know it's been a while, life rather got in the way. When life gets busy, both the inclination and the time to blog rather go out the window.
I've eventually got round to putting pen to paper because I've been wondering about how, and why my style of play has changed. When I first started this journey, getting on for four years ago, my play for the first year or so was only ever in private. I didn't really know enough people in the wider scene to attend parties. That changed at the beginning of 2009 and I started attending, and playing at many parties. I was often the one who would end up being that little bit too cheeky, and be dragged upstairs by all and sundry to be taught a tongue in cheek lesson.
Over the last 10 months or so that's changed. While I'm still playing privately (though not nearly as often as I'd like, the joy of a job where I'm often not in the country) I'm finding it hard to play at parties. I'd like to say first of all that this isn't anything to do with any of the people I've played with. I'm lucky in that I have fantastic people that I can play with, both in private and at parties. There's been no horrible incident that's put me off playing. I'm just more reluctant to play at parties.
I think a lot of it comes down to stress. For various reasons, mostly work related, I have been quite stressed over the last year or so. I've found stress to be one of the biggest factors in lowering my pain threshold, and I think this is where the problem lies:
Lower pain threshold = spankings hurting more = more likelihood of tears, and tears are not a good thing at parties. Tears are fine when playing in private, as long as your play partner is ok with them. Tears at parties are not so good. Especially the sort of tears I often cry. The nasty horrible, losing control, red eyes, runny nose type.
And I suppose there we have the heart of the matter. I'm scared of losing control in a situation where I then have to go downstairs and face people. I'm scared that what would have one felt like a playful spanking will feel so much harder and so much more difficult to cope with.
What I really ought to do is just try it, and see what happens. If I do break down in tears, maybe I just save the play for private, but the chances are, that me being me, I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill and will actually be fine!
9 hours ago