Wednesday 23 June 2010

Jemima's Plea For More Knickers

Dear Grandmother and Grandfather,

How are you both? Another term is passing swiftly at Lowewood. The weather continues to be fine, which means we can enjoy the beautiful school gardens at break times. Of course we have to be careful that we don't step on Mr Fingerham's carefully tended beds, but apart from that we can enjoy the clement weather.

I am sure you will both be delighted to hear that my grades are continuing to improve. Mr Shaftebotham was delighted with my rousing speech in English the other day. We had been studying the use of rhetorical devices, and I employed many to wonderful effect when arguing for the abolition of restrictions on our internet access. I think he was very pleased with my good showing.

We have also started learning Chinese, and I am finding it very interesting, though I feel the teaching methods of Dr Billeslaan are somewhat unusual. He insists when we are learning to write the Chinese characters that caning us in an appropriate manner (e.g. one rule is “horizontal strokes before vertical ones”) will help us remember. I really fail to understand his logic, myself.

Grandmother, I'm afraid you will need to send me more knickers. Miss Marwood keeps confiscating them and giving them to Mr Fingerham to burn. The latest pair you sent me were the correct shade of blue, but you may not have seen the “Supergirl” logo on the rear. Unfortunately Miss Marwood did, in detention. She had already made us take our skirts off, and when she saw my knickers, she was very cross, as they had been the cause of much hilarity during uniform inspection that morning, but she had not seen what we were laughing at. So she made me remove my knickers as well, and would not give them back. I was quite naked from the waste down, it was awfully embarrassing. Despite her undue (she paddled AND caned us!) for really quite a minor issue (it was only a little party that we had in the dorm with the local boys football team!) I still quite like Miss Marwood. She seems quite fair.

Well, letter writing time is at an end, so I will bid you goodbye for this week, and send you both my fondest regards. Please also give my love to Mummy if you hear from her, and also if you do, please remind her that it is six weeks since she last wrote to me.
Oh, and please send new knickers!
Your loving granddaughter,
Jemima
x

4 comments:

indy said...

ROFL at the notion of Grandmother accidentally buying poor dear, Jemima Supergirl knickers.

I love Jemima's letters from school!

Haron said...

Are we sure that Mr Fingerham actually ever burns the knickers? :)

Simon said...

Oh poor Jemima. She does seem to have a problem with knickers!

Jessica said...

Jemima,

I will be more than happy to inspect your new purchases when they arrive to ensure they conform to Lowewood regulations, which as you know are that knickers should be plain white or navy blue and of a sober and respectable design.

In addition, I am also happy for you to spend your next lunch hour with me learning how to make a buttonhole as I understand that despite Mr Shaftebotham kindly providing you with one from the school hardship fund, your tie was still untidy!

I'm pleased you enjoyed the evening!

Miss Marwood.