Another great post by Graham has inspired me again.
I love my sexuality, I really do. Discovering, or rather admitting that I was kinky was like a lightbulb moment for me. Suddenly it all made sense. Sex made sense, sexuality made sense, being a woman made sense. So I would never, for one minute, be without that. It's just that sometimes, as Graham says, it can be a little inconvenient.
I love anticipation. Especially, much to my disgust, of a caning. And the anticipation is both a mental distraction and a physical one. It is very easy for someone to heighten that physical reaction with the odd well worded text. Even something as short as "12" has been known to send me both off into a dream world of distraction and inattention (not good at work), and worse still, having to rush off to somewhere, shall we say, a little more private. This makes me look like someone who has a rather unfortunate illness. And of course it has been known to happen when out with vanilla friends as well. You are there trying to behave and be straight laced, and well behaved, and all you can think about it delicious threats being leveled at you. Which makes it hard to concentrate on conversation that can seem mundane in comparison, even if it is not in reality.
So yes, in response to Graham's question, there are times when I do wish I could turn off my sexuality, just for a couple of hours. It would make the job of getting on with life and responsibility much more straightforward!
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I laughed out loud at this: "I love anticipation. Especially, much to my disgust, of a caning." It is disgusting how are desires betray us, isn't it? ; )
I'm sure I've had my moments of looking like someone with a "rather unfortunate illness" as well. But everyone here thinks I'm nutty anyway, so it doesn't matter so much!
On the other hand, it's very convenient to daydream about these topics during boring meetings at work. I'm sure the loudmouths misinterpret the expression on my face to mean that I'm enjoying their comments as much as they are.
Aww, you really don't want to turn off your sexuality. That's what helps to build that anticipation and keep you on edge. Enjoy the moment.
FD
Eliane, life would lose half it's savour without the anticipation.
Now you wouldn't want that, would you.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
Hello Eliane:
I can see your point! But, whether forunately or unfortunately, we aren't androids with a convenient "emotion chip" we can just deactivate.
It's more inconvenient when the top can be utterly sadistic and use the evidence of our turned on ness to punish us more!
Also when you're in a meeting with a cute guy dressed in what can only be described as a school uniform (grey trousers, gret shirt, blue tie and maroon v neck!) and all you can do is picture him being caned.
You are all right, I shouldn't be wishing away my sexuality. As EJ says, though, there is also the risk of evil tops using it against you!
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