A Response To A Comment

In my post on asking for what you need, Indy made the following comment:

"It's a little ironic that you commented on EJ's post today about not being able to let go into power exchange more or less just as you describe this. To me, they're very very similar arenas, both of which fascinate me no end, and neither of which I've yet tried. I suspect my innate stubbornness would kick in, but maybe not. I suppose time will tell, and if it doesn't, that might also be telling me something!"

This made me ponder two topics. The first is Indy's comment that Emma Jane's description of power exchange and my account of my need for, and submission to, a really hard caning describe something very similar. I had said on Emma Jane's blog that I don't feel I am able to play power exchange scenes as I'm reluctant to give up that level of control. I suppose Indy is right though, what I did that night was a power exchange scene, though I still felt I had some control, as I was able to regulate the pace of the strokes by slowing down my count, or even standing up. I think some of the scenes that EJ plays involve her giving up almost total control. As she says herself, "In such cases I surrender all control and yield to their will". That would be a step or ten too far for me.

I do recognise, though, that my description of my scene the other night would seem very intense and very submissive to a lot of people, and indeed it was. Which leads me to the second part of Indy's comment, that she is not sure she could experience a scene like either EJ or I described, as her inner stubbornness would kick in. Well, as she said, she might well surprise herself. When you make a conscious decision to submit to something, it suddenly becomes really quite easy to continue through with that act of submission. This of course doesn't mean that as soon as that act of submission has finished I remain being submissive. Ha, no siree. A little illustration:

After those 22 strokes, we were sitting, talking. I marvelled at the fact that he had not given into the temptation to make the 22 a nice "round" 24. He then replied that I was in such a submissive mood, he knew that if he told me to, I would bend back over and accept two more. And that was it, all submissiveness was gone, and stubborn old me was back. I glared at him, and he did not push the question further, sensible gentleman. My point is though, that I choose to be submissive in the moment, but it is just the choice of the moment. After that it's gone, and I'm back. But sometimes actively making that choice, and letting go of that inner stubbornness brings amazing rewards.