Friday, 26 February 2010

To Spank Or Not To Spank?

I've been totally disinterested in kink since I moved. Not scared of it, like last August, just utterly disinterested. Before, the thought of being spanked made me want to be sick, but this time, I just couldn't really care either way. This time, apart from twenty minutes of sheer, animal need in the middle of this week, there's been nary a glimmer of my kink, and I'm not sure that bothers me. In fact, the only reason I'm writing this post is that I want to canvas opinion.

The lack of interest leads me into several trains of thought, often contradictory. One is "Well, does it really matter if this is it, if I never feel kinky again?" One is "It's only been two weeks, get over yourself." Another, "Two weeks is a long time for you." Also, "I *do* care if my kink disappears... it's been part of who I am for two years and I like it."

One thing I do wonder, is that if I have unconsciously made the lack of interest worse. Have I, by keeping telling myself that I've lost all interest, actually reinforced that assumption more than would necessarily be true. Have I, in fact, made my disinterest worse?

So now I'm wondering what the cure is, or if I even should try and find one? Is it just worth getting on with it, getting a good spanking, get over the hump, as it were, and remind myself why I love being a kinky girl? Or is there a bigger risk of it just reinforcing my disinterest?
Alternatively, do I just leave well alone and let me head/desires sort themselves out in their own sweet time, however long that takes?

Thoughts please!


Nimue said...

Having gone through something similar myself recently, I just had to comment on your post.
I'm not gonna give you the "your interest naturally fades at times" etc, because i'm sure that's not gonna be anything new for you.

What helped for me was a combination of two things.
Firstly - a former play partner got back in touch and we started flirting again. That definately helped to re-ignite the kink desires.
Secondly - i just got on and did something that i *knew* i would usually enjoy, and i did enjoy it. Very much in fact. And am very much looking fowrard to the next time!
So I would maybe suggest just going ahead and getting a spanking in a situation that you know usually works for you.
But then i'm a random stranger from the internet, so feel free to ignore everything i've said!

Katie said...

Hi Eliane. I haven't commented on your blog before but I've read it.

In my experience, it's fairly common to have periods where the kink lies dormant, particularly if the rest of life takes over.

In the past, I've wondered if this is my kink running its course. Perhaps I've played enough and got bored of it. In reality, it surfaces again when it's ready.

Forcing myself (the hump analogy) has never worked. It makes me angry and resentful. If you try to do it without the right headspace it doesn't work.

If you decide you want to "fix" it, the best solution that I can suggest is to work on the head side of things. Get someone who understands and normally excites you to try and push your buttons.

Graham said...

I had a period recently of decreased kink-drive, and I thought, wow, this is a relief. Now the lack of play in my day to day life isn't torture, yay!

...Course, in your case, I vote you should get spanked. Not out of any actual concern for what's best, just cause that's what I always vote when it comes to you ; )

Indy said...

Hmmm, do you know anyone who will give you a nice, sweet spanking? And would you like it if they did? That's what I usually like if I'm ambivalent about getting spanked. Of course sweet can still be very intense if that mojo starts to return...

Master Retep said...

Now hang on - moving house is oft-quoted as well up there with divorce and death of a partner. You should not be the least surprised that you are either uber-distracted or sufficiently punished (or both) by your recent adventures. Sounds like you're in the throes of "house-drop".

Paul said...

Eliane, Master Retep said exactly what I was going to say.
I hope things sort themselves for you soon.
Warm hugs,

Sarah said...

I'm with Master Retep and Paul too Eliane, you've unpacked the books, figured out the cooker, give it a little time and your kink will leap out of a box and reclaim your attention!

EmmaJane said...

I shall just give the advice everyone gave me, just with my twist on it.

Our kink is too ingrained to disappear. After the first flush of youth (i.e. newbieness) it ebbs and flows and sometimes comes raging at us. Just go with it and don't force it. But it is amazing what a bit of kink flirting can do to boost it :)

Oh and of course I think you should be spanked, duh!!

Jessica said...

I agree with all here, but especially Master Retep - moving house is a really difficult thing to do and tends to take over everything else. And with mojo issues in general, we all have moments where we don't feel like it and my longest ever time was six months - so two weeks, don't panic! Come and have a kinky night out and you'll soon feel the itch again!

Jessica xx

Eliane said...

Thank you so much everyone, for your comments, and support. You're all lovely.
A special thank you to Nimue and Katie for delurking to comment!

I think I'm probably (eventually!) going to go with the "get a spanking" option. Hopefully by the time I have time to play, my mojo might be back again!

Caroline Grey said...

Just adding my very late two cents...I think that everyone has said exactly what I would say but I'm double underline the suggestion that if you do go looking for a spanking, you go for soomething sweet and fun.

And perhaps even more important, try not to approach it with guilt or apology, like "oh, I'm so sorry I'm such a wimp right now, I can't play hard, just go easy on me, blah blah blah". That's my default when I'm feeling less kinky, and it's not the most positive attitude. I'm trying to approach it more with a "Hey! I'm in the mood for a really fun/sexy/particular kind of spanking" sort of attitude. I'm trying to think of it as being no different to preferring chocolate one day and sour candy the other--just a preference!


Anonymous said...

The hardest part is when I do a geographic. I still need what I need, but I do not know a woman locally who will give it to me. This usually takes a few months, some ridicule and rejections, but all it takes is one older domina to take care of this sissy boy.