Am I losing vanilla friends? I hope not. I've not lost any friends because I've told them about my new interests, though I suppose I may at some point. I worry that I'm not making enough time for my vanilla friends though. This new life of mine is time consuming, and it's not like I had no social life to begin with. I was always madly busy, and now I'm even more so. There's new people to meet, new things to experience, and having denied my kinky side for so long I'm keen to explore it fully now. But time doesn't magically appear where there was none before. Something has to give and at the moment that seems to be catching up with my non-kinky friends.
It's hard, because they are lovely people and don't deserve to be neglected by me. I feel like I'm turning into the sort of person I always hated - the sort who drops all their old friends the minute they have a new person or new interest in their life. I have no time for people with no loyalty, but that seems to be what I'm turning into. I feel like I've dropped, albeit unintentionally, my vanilla friends for my new kinky friends, and that does not make me feel good about myself. I need to reconnect with my old friends and not be the person who dumps them for a new crowd.
It's hard though, when you have to have conversations like this:
"So, what have you been up to?"
Answer 1:
"Well, I've discovered I'm into spanking, I've met a whole crowd of new kinky friends, I'm having the time of my life and I'm happier than I've ever been."
Yeah, I don't think so, so it will more likely be answer 2:
"Oh, not much."
I long to be myself with everyone.
10 hours ago
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2 comments:
Over the years, we've reached a point where we hardly have any vanilla friends. It's just too hard to know what to talk to them about, too depressing to have to be evasive about the way we spend our lives, and too stressful to have to keep such an important part of our lives hidden.
Eliane:
I think you are talking about something really difficult and deeply complex. I was just commenting on Bonnie's blog how much we keep private in our lives due to fear, judgement and social constraints. I wish we could all be less judgemental and more accepting of each other's different proclivites. But it's not easy to do. I hope that you find the balance in your life that you want and so deeply deserve
Andrades
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