So here's a question - how do you persuade a top that they actually have a very hard hand/cane stroke/way with a strap?
I have, on more than one occasion, heard tops say "but I don't cane/spank/whatever hard" in a tone of hurt bewilderment when you try to point out to them that they could maybe ease off a bit once in a while. I also know I'm not the the only person to have heard this from a top.
So here's my question: how the hell do they know?! Seriously, they don't spank themselves, so how the hell can they tell? Just because you're not putting your full strength behind a stroke doesn't mean it's not hard! And surely every bottom, both literally and metaphorically, is different? What's hard to me may not be quite so hard to someone else, but it doesn't invalidate the fact that it IS hard to me. So maybe take that into account?!
Also, when these "you spank hard" comments come from people who have played with a variety of tops, they aren't just being said for the hell of it: I have a frame of reference. Very few people I play with play softly. If I'm saying you play hard, you play hard. Promise.
This is a bit of a pointless rant, and it's not directed at any one person in particular. I don't even necessarily have a problem with hard EXCEPT if you won't acknowledge it. If I say you spank hard, "No I don't" is not an appropriate response. "Yes, I do, don't I?" said with an evil grin is acceptable. "Was it too hard for you?" is acceptable. Hell, even "Stop whining and deal with it" is acceptable. But flat out denial is not.
Know your own strength.
Random rant over.
1 hour ago
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7 comments:
I don't think that there is any way they can know, except from feedback from their spankee, and I mean Each spankee. As you said, what is hard to me, may very well not be to you (I'm a big sissy).
Also, even for that one spankee and one Spanker, she may not handle some implments as well as others. He could give medium strokes of a paddle and strap, to two different women, and get Very different responses as to which they thought was worse.
And finally, women's hormones are often floating up and down, and that makes a big difference day to day, what she can handle.
Angie
Totally agree hon, and it also depends on how much you've just had.
Guess the main thing is that tops believe us when we yelp and cry. It's not pretend. It hurts ;)
(And yes we know it's supposed to!)
You are writing about respect here. Being a top is not about being a bully. Nice post.
Maryann
Eliane, any Top who doesn't listen to his/her bottom isn't worth playing with.
Someone should talk seriously with them.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
Well, 'bend over and I will show you it hurts' is a good response as any LOL
Though you still won't prove theat what *they* do is hard ;)
LOL I'm one of those tops who doesn't need persuading that he whacks hard. After all, if a job's worth doing, it's worth doing well.
Not that there aren't times when a few more gentle smacks or strokes aren't appropriate. Just that, for me (and with the right play partners), they're few and far between.
But observing the young lady's reaction and moderating the strokes is imperative for a good top - even if in my case the scale usually varies from hard to exceptionally hard.
Agreeing with Abel here. While there's no way to predict how a spankee will feel on any given day or how much s/he will need, it's the responsibility of the spanker to make sure s/he is responsive to it.
Here's where a regular play partner is an advantage, because you can work out all the little idiosyncracies about preferences and signals over time. But regardless, a top should be paying attention. Good post!
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