I am endlessly curious, about everything, not just about spanking. I suspect I was one of those irritating children who always asked "Why?".
This curiosity has of late turned towards yet another spanking subject, this one slightly more serious. I was trying to write some fiction the other day, and I started thinking about punishment. Not role play type punishment, but "atoning" type punishment.
I understand what bottoms get from this, being the sort of bottom who is not adverse to an accountability/discipline type spanking relationship in the right circumstances. What I am curious about is what a top gets out of this type of encounter.
I suppose to my mind there are a couple of scenarios. There is the sort of scenario where rules have been broken, bedtimes, diet rules etc, earning a spanking. From a top's perspective, what, if anything do they get out of that sort of spanking? Is it a chore? Is it a delight to be spanking a bottom whatever the circumstances? Is it something you do because you know it needs to be done?
Then there is a second scenario, which is a more serious type of punishment. Maybe one in which something has been done that hurts the top or the relationship. As a bottom, you may accept a punishment for an issue like that to feel forgiven, and like the slate has been wiped clean, right? But as a top, if you are punishing for something that has hurt you, do you gain something different from that type of spanking? Do you get, I don't know, revenge, for want of a much better word? Do you get "closure" as well, as the recipient often does? Does it make you able to forgive more easily?
I realise this is not so much a post as a series of questions... I also realise that many people who read this blog are not so much into discipline relationships, or even fewer who are are tops who would comment, so I'm not really expecting any answers, but if you do have some thoughts you'd like to share, I'm interested in hearing them!
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I can help out here I think - because I have done something similar myself.
I've been trying to diet for a while. I hope that He Who Must Be Obeyed would help me, but I know he doesn't like seriously punishing me for real life things. So I asked The Lover instead. Who started off well, reluctantly gave me some quite serious punishments when I needed them - and then we tailed off. Because he doesn't like thrashing me seriously either. It's not a turn on. It just makes him feel very sad and he has to steel himself to do it.
So I've given up on that as well. And now I have to find the willpower from somewhere to do it on my own. Sigh. So on paper, it's hot, but in real life...well, it's never worked for me.
Dear Eliane,
I have a pretty good idea about this, as I've seen this question asked before, and so had asked Jack.
Now, I am in a domestic discipline marriage, but he also spanks me for good girl spankings as well.
Whether for the lesser or major problems, even if he is put out with me, he says he sure doesn't mind seeing my bare bottom over his lap, even if he isn't happy with me.
With more serious offenses, thats easier to answer. He says in his mind, he is thinking, 'alright young lady, wanted this, you got it.'
And, that what he feels isn't so much revenge, as say, 'satisfaction' that I am getting what I have coming to me, that my attitude is changing again, that I'm remembering who is in charge, and also, that I'm paying for my crime.
For lesser things that he needs to deal with, he doesn't look at it like a chore, but more as just an aspect of our marriage. Its something I need, when I mess up, both to feel better about myself, and so I don't get even more out of control, so he sees it as helping me, and our relationship.
And, he knows that post spanking I'm all sweet again, the way I should be.
Angie
I am a top who is in a discipline relationship, who follows your blog and who would comment.
Angie has certainly caught some of the dynamic as I would experience it.
You have opened the window between "role play" and "role" which I have touched on in my blog, and, if you don't mind (a not very toppy sentiment), I will think this over and perhaps post a blog of my own. I'll let you know when its done.
An attempt at a response
http://masterfulstrokes.blogspot.com/2009/07/punishment-from-tops-perspective.html
Thank you for the thoughts everyone - it's always so interesting reading everyone else's take on this.
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