Thursday, 29 April 2010

Position Vacant

I'm single, and for the most part happily so. I'm fundamentally a loner, and a selfish one at that. I love my own company, being able to do what I want, when I want, making my own decisions, running my own life. Just once in a while, though, it would be nice to have a man around the house. Not so much to do those things I can't do, but to do those things I can't be bothered doing. So to remedy this situation, I'm thinking of placing a "Position Vacant" advert.
What do you think?

Position Vacant: Man Of All Work
Duties include:
Tyre pressure checking
Lawn mowing
Shopping Mule, especially when recreational rather than food shopping
DIY duties - hanging pictures, painting decking, tiling, plumbing.
Periodic insect clearance
Gardening advice (esp. regarding what are weeds vs actual plants that should be kept)
Sex on demand
Spankings as/when needed (must be handy with canes and straps)
Dishwasher unloading
Vacuum Cleaner bag emptying
Taxi on demand
Suitcase carrying
The pleasure of my company (when I'm in the mood)
In addition accommodation will be provided. In the shed. It has a light, you know, and curtains, and if I run the hose from the outside tap to the door, it will have water as well. What do you mean it doesn't sound very comfortable?!

So, think I'd get many responses?


Irelynn Logeen said...

Be careful what you ask for. There are plenty of submissive men out there who would love to come live in your shed and do all your work for you. Some of them might even want to spank you if you told them them. ;)

Master Retep said...

Don't take this the wrong way, but you've just produced the job spec for a husband, right down to spending all their spare time in the garden shed.

I hope this outpouring wasn't triggered by my fixing your shower. Happy hunting :-)

Karl Friedrich Gauss said...

I'd second Irelynn comment, as in be careful what you wish for, 'cause the universe just might give it to you good!

A friend of mine told me of a friend of his who had put together a list of the 102 or so most important qualities he'd like in a girlfriend.

And within a few months he found the almost perfect candidate, missing only a couple of the qualities he'd asked for. Perhaps 100 is the limit. I'd say you've got a few to go to flesh out your "requirements". Good luck with that, eh!

And keep us posted on the process, please. Where are you planning to post this specification, other than on your blog?

Indy said...

If you're getting a man in your shed, does that mean I can't come visit after all?

Anonymous said...

spanking you is included in the duties? Oh No my dear !! I don't know you but I'm sure it's a payment and really a wonderful salary. (and it will make your advert more attractive!!)

Duties = Dishwasher unloading ? Yes, but before unloading, you have to load it (usually!) ; who is loading the Dishwasher? Or you like to load it !! So you like to load but do not like to unload !! Strange! You have to talk about that to your analyst! (lol)

Jack said...

You'd probably get all too many responses. And I can guarantee, this being the internet, that 99% of them would be scary weirdos.

Rebecca said...

I think you should demand gardening, not just garden advice - that way all the heavy work gets done for you!

Dan said...

I do that anyway. I'm due for a change as well. Where do I sign up?