Sunday 3 January 2010

12 Days Of Spanking Madness

Adele Haze is a bit crazy. The evidence for this can be found in the fact that she agreed to Mr Haze's dastardly plan of playing "The Twelve Spanking Days of Christmas". This of course follows the famous rhyme, so on the first day she gets one stroke of an implement, next day two strokes of a different implement plus the one with the first day's again, etc. etc. until on day 12 she gets all the strokes, with all the implements. Crazy, right?

Now, as I've been following her insanity, I had cause to wonder why she was picking certain lovely implements, like a flogger, for a fairly small number of strokes. That was until yesterday's post when she mentioned she'd done some calculations and put some thought into her choices, and I realised that of course it was all about cumulative strokes.

So I went off and did some maths of my own:

# of Strokes # of Days Total
1 12 12
2 11 22
3 10 30
4 9 36
5 8 40
6 7 42
7 6 42
8 5 40
9 4 36
10 3 30
11 2 22
12 1 12

Looking at the totals (and yes, I did need to write it all down!), you want the nicest implements you own in the middle of the pack, and the there's a toss up with the more evil implements - do you have fewer strokes with them, but every day, or do you just have one (or two) lots of horribleness at the end of the 12 days.

I debated this, based on the implements I own, and my conclusions are below. Of course, I don't own anything like the variety of evilness that Mr Haze seems to, so there are some repeats of implement types (i.e. four different straps!).

Day 1 - junior cane - evil whippy stingy little thing.
Day 2 - hairbrush - I've never been a great fan of wooden hairbrushes, so the fewer strokes per day the better.
Day 3 - Tawse - my tawse always hurts a surprising amount when used. It's still quite stiff, which I don't think helps.
Day 4 - Slipper - MY slipper, this would be. Which is quite light!
Day 5 - Antique strap, that I bought at LAM in July. Hard to handle, but yummy.
Day 6 - My heavy blue flogger, bought at Babeland in New York. Yum.
Day 7 - Hand. Nuff said, really.
Day 8 - New Strap, as posted about a few days ago. 8 whacks a day would be a positive treat!
Day 9 - Bathbrush. Not as mad as it sounds. My bathbrush doesn't actually hurt that much. But don't tell anyone.
Day 10 - Vicious evil little ruler strap. Looks sweet, has a hell of a sting.
Day 11 - Crop. Not the shaft please, just the bit on the end. Which probably has some technical name!
Day 12 - Senior Cane. Well, is there a more symbolic way to end 12 days of spanking than with 12 strokes of the cane?

So, were I ever to be mad enough to undertake such a thing, I would pick those implements. I think. I'm interested to find out what the rest of Adele's choices are.


Pandora Blake said...

Hee, I started doing a similar sort of maths in response to the same entry! I absolutely adore the amount of geeky thought that can (and has!) gone into this, the mathematical aspect, and the fascinating distinction between implements you'd prefer to take daily in small doses, or once in one big dose. All the more fascinating because everyone's choices would be different!

I'm absolutely with you on the senior cane being last, but it seems such a shame you have to take them cold...

PK said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
PK said...

Very interesting post, and for math teachers everywhere - I want to thank you for using math in a real life situation. LOL!

Happy New Year,

(That was me not being able to type above - sorry.)

Scarlett De Winter said...

Impressive maths from the girl who (sober) couldn't count to eight on New Year's Eve! xxx

EmmaJane said...

If I had a brain that fucntioned right now I'd try to my own but I'm not capable of effort just now! But love the geekiness of it all :)

Rebecca said...

Madam you are possibly too organised - I'd just randomly choose and get it all wrong I'm sure :)

Abel1234 said...

I was doing the maths as well last night, coincidentally, and realising that on Adele's last two days of twelve, her husband will be giving her 66 and then 78 strokes. Owww! ;-)

I just wonder whether she's going to get whacked with the Christmas tree on the 12th day - after all, it's traditional to take it down then!