Saturday, 14 March 2009


One thing I've probably never done on here is acknowledged the huge part that my acting classes played in my ability to actually come out as kinky. I started acting classes in September 2007, though I had done amateur stuff for years as a child. I took my first steps into the real life kinky world in late March 2008 (March 21st to be exact). There is a definite correlation between the confidence I gained from acting class, and my being able to take that first step.

I think confidence is the key, and loss of inhibitions. In order to be a good actor, you need to lose your inhibitions completely. If in the back of your mind, you are thinking "Wow, I feel silly doing this" or "Help, what do they think of me?" you will never fully commit to a part or be believable in it. It took a long time to lose those inhibitions. A big part of that is learning not to think. Which is very hard for me. I probably spent the whole first term thinking "What should I feel?", "Am I doing this right","Everyone else looks like they are feeling something. Am I feeling the same?"

And then something clicked, and I did manage to start "leaving the crap behind", as my teacher puts it. I stopped analysing what was going on in my head every second, and I started just being in the moment, and seeing what came. And it was one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life. When the emotion just comes, or when you are acting a scene with someone else, and you look into their eyes and you know that right then, right there in the moment, what you are doing and feeling is totally real, that's one of the biggest highs I've ever felt. I come out of that class skipping, on cloud nine. I've never taken drugs (well, I have once, but that's a whole other story) but I imagine that I could never get that sort of high from drugs.

So it was after 6 months of these classes that I eventually decided that I had pratted about for long enough, and it was time to use that confidence gained, and the lessons learnt about over-thinking and letting go of the crap, pluck up my courage and take those first steps out in to kinky land.

I firmly believe that without those classes, I wouldn't be sitting here today writing this. So let's raise a glass to acting classes, and learning to let go of your inhibitions :-)


Graham said...

Just one more reason to love theater!

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