I'm just trying to work through some things in my head, so bear with me. Mostly, as usual, it's around pain thresholds and how I react to spankings. I got spanked the other night (and incidentally, OWWWW, my bum HURT after!) and by rights my pain threshold should have been pretty low, given where I was in my cycle, bla bla bla. Now, I automatically assume that I'm being a wimp in any given situation, but I was assured that I was in fact taking quite a hard spanking.
Whenever anyone tells me anything vaguely good about myself, or complimentary, my first reaction is to dismiss their opinion on the basis that they don't know what they are talking about. (Yes, I know, I have some issues!) But I trust the friends I was with a lot, and if they say I wasn't being a wimp, then I probably wasn't.
So why the difference? Why would that spanking from someone else probably have reduced me to tears halfway through? I've come to the conclusion that a lot of it is to do with submissiveness, though probably not in the way you would expect. The more mentally submissive I'm being, I think, the more likely I am to feel the pain intensely. In this particular situation, I was not being submissive at all (well, apart from bending over). It was just fun, and so I relished the spanking and if not "enjoyed" the pain, was certainly able to take a lot more than normal.
So if all spankings were just fun like that, would I be missing out on something? Yes, I probably would. I am frequently the one in control of any given situation, so being able to give up that control can be very freeing. I also think that allowing myself to cry, which I often do when I'm in a more submissive headspace, is also good for me. It seems there is a place for both types. I think for sheer enjoyment I will go with the other night's type though!
21 hours ago