Saturday 3 January 2009

Old News

It seems I've been in the mood to torture myself tonight. How, you ask? Well, for some reason I decided to go and read up a bit on the Max Mosley case. This was mostly prompted by Abel and Haron's end of year post, which talked about the decision in the case by Justice Eady, and rightly stated that it was an important judgement for all kinky people. If you don't know much about the case or its outcome, go and read Abel's summary of it.
So, why am I reading about something that happened six months ago? Well, firstly, I was at the beginning of my kinky journey when the case was taking place, and it didn't register as fully on my radar as it would have done now. Secondly, I was actually on holiday when the judgement came through (staying in an old boarding school, oh the potential!) and so missed much of the media coverage around that time.
So tonight, in an attempt to avoid the call of thank you letters (I'm a well brought up young lady, I'll have you know!) I ended up online, reading quite a lot of the media coverage, and also stumbling on to some of the forums out in the vanilla world about the proceedings. I'm now thoroughly depressed.
Yes, it's great that he won, and that Justice Eady gave such a clear statement in favour of people's rights to pursue their own sex life in the privacy of private locations, regardless of whether that sex life involves the missionary position with the lights off, or something altogether more interesting. What saddens me. though is the way the case was covered in so much of the mainstream press, even the broadsheets. The women involved were, pretty much without exception, referred to as prostitutes, despite the fact that, to the best of my knowledge, none of them was offered or took money for having sex with Mr Mosley, or indeed anyone else they met with. They were spankers and spankees, nothing more. Worse still were the forums where generally these women seemed to be referred to as hookers or whores... there seemed to be a general level of disgust and incomprehension of the lifestyle that the protagonists were leading, and an assumption that anyone who was into spanking or being spanked was a dirty, depraved person, not fit to hold any high level job.
I think that is what depresses me most on a personal level. Yes, it's great that he won the case, the judgement was a work of art from the little I've read, and a victory for us as a community, because the implications of the judgement having gone the other way, and Justice Eady saying that the News of the World had every right to expose kinky behaviour between consenting adults are too frightening to contemplate, to be honest. Even for someone like me who does not work in a high profile profession. BUT, and for me it's a big but, the newspaper coverage and comments from the general public on forums proved to me that what we do is still hugely frowned upon and misunderstood. Yes, probably frowned upon and misunderstood by a small but vocal group of people who claim to stand on the moral high ground and speak for our society on how we should all live our lives, and who speak out of ignorance and fear, but views like that have a habit of being infectious. People are quick to condemn what they don't understand, and it was a very depressing feeling to realise that no matter how much I may love this new lifestyle that I have found, there seems to be a large section of the community that would be ready to condemn me in an instant if they knew what I did, and label me as some sort of evil person. And, to be honest, that knowledge hurts. I know it shouldn't, I know that people like this are often nothing more than ignorant bullies, and God knows I've had to deal with enough of them over the years, but nevertheless, it does hurt.
So now that I have thoroughly depressed myself, I need to stop reading back over stuff that happened six months ago, and hold on to the fact that coming out into this spanking "scene" has made me happier than I've been in a long, long time, and no one, above all not people who have no ability to tolerate anything outside their own narrow sphere of experience, should make me feel bad about expressing my sexuality in the way that feels best for me. After all, the only person that gets "hurt" is me!

(PS, I hope this makes sense, I'm writing it at 2am and I'm slightly drunk!)


Irelynn said...

I missed most of the Mosley case too. I don't think I lived in the UK yet by the time all hell broke loose. I heard about it on spanking blogs and the like of course, but I didn't realise the full context of it until much later.

I agree with you that sometimes it hurts that some people are so quick to condemn you and your way of life. Personally, however, I've found that it's pointless to worry about it too much. I think it's easier for me because I'm having to build up a whole new life in the UK, and as such get to choose all my new friends according to their being open to kinky things. I don't have any family in the UK to consider, nor any old friends that wouldn't take too kindly to this information!

Anyway, I hope you're not too hungover from all the alcohol you apparently consumed last night!

Winchester said...

Well written Eliane - and no sign, in your writing or in your sense that you might have been a littlw uner the influence. I wish I could write so fluently and effectively at that time of the morning, whether I had had any thing to drink or not!

Sadly, although the Mosley judgement was a legal one it has not done much to change the way people think - or the way they are reafy to condemn - the sufferinhg inflicted on Paul and Lucy of Northern Spanking, and on the spankees described as prostitutes throughout was and is despicable and wnyone with the kink should be grateful to them for having endured something which was probably only one step along a very long road to understanding. Had the judgment gone the other way who knows what would have been unleashed! There would have been no room for blogs like yours, for a start, without always having a look over your shoulder to see who might be stabbing you in the back. But there are many of us (and I am one) who live in the daily dread of being outed just because I read such blogs (and contribute a few comments on the way): for me, my whole life could be turned upside down - my job amd home being at risk...

Thank you for your post on this subject.

Indy said...

I had a similar reaction, back in July when this was all happening and it made the front page of the New York Times. That coincided with my meeting a couple people who had to be very secretive about their kinks, and the combination left me rather depressed. I also wasn't comfortable talking much with my vanilla friends about "my new hobby," as there was so much to explain to even the most supportive of them before I could share my experiences with them.

The depression was short-lived, though. My life is so much richer for having come out as kinky that I just couldn't feel bad for long. I hope yours is equally fleeting!

Eliane said...

Winchester, thank you for your comment - it reminded me that I should feel lucky that I can practice my kink fairly openly, though obviously I'm not shouting about it from the rooftops. Some people don't have that luxury. And Indy and Irelynn, you're right - the depression has been fleeting and I've yet again decided it's not really worth worrying about too much!