Wednesday, 27 May 2009

Top Logic

There is a type of logic in our world that is particularly beloved of Tops. It's the sort of logic that is, to be frank, not that logical, but runs something along these lines:

"Because I said so"

"You're bound to do something at some point"

"I'm sure you're thinking something that you shouldn't be thinking"

"You suggested 10 strokes. Well, I was only going to give you 6, but as you guessed wrong you can have the whole 10."

"The cane broke on your bottom, therefore it is your fault. We will start the caning again."

"My hand hurts. That's your fault for misbehaving so much that I had to spank you."

Anyone got any more examples? I'm sure you've all heard (or used!) plenty of them.


EmmaJane said...

Ha, I'd agree with all of these and here's a few more:

- You should really know better (well if I did I wouldn't have done it!)

- I'm going to spank you until you tell me what you've been up to (but I haven't done anything)

- If you can't stay still I'll have to tie you down (stop whacking me so hard and I'll stay perfectly still)

- I really don't like having to o this to you (then don't!!)

And my number one favorite

- this hurts me more than it hurts you (eh no, it definitely hurts me more!!!!!!)

Kami Robertson said...

I'm quite fond of the mini-dialog

'It hurts!'
'I know...'


Funnily, though it seems that only on of the phrases you girls gave I have heard myself LOL You sure we play the same game? ;)

Rebecca said...

'Do you think that was funny?' No...I'm just in hysterical giggles for a completely unrelated reason.

'It's too late for sorry young lady...when I've finished you are going to be very sorry for your behaviour' Because that makes perfect sense.

Alyx said...

My favorite comeback to the "this hurts me more than it hurts you" comment:

"Yeah, but not in the same place!"

And when I'm topping, my favorite response to the ever popular "I'm sorry!":

"Not as sorry as you're going to be in just a few minutes, young lady."

Eliane said...

Great ones guys, thanks!
And courtesy of Simon, via email, the definitive list!

Am I talking to myself, young lady/man?
Have I been vague at all when I told you what I expected?
It’s meant to hurt.
You may think you’re sorry now, but be assured that by the time I’ve finished, you’ll be really sorry.
You say you’re sorry but you aren’t sorry until I’m convinced you’re sorry.
You aren’t sorry yet – you’re just sorry I’m spanking you for it.
Are we singing from the same sheet now?
Do you really expect me to believe that?
I want an answer and it had better be the answer I want to hear.
You’ll be smiling on the other side of your face in a minute.
You think you’re so grown-up, don’t you young man/lady?
I think you need some hands-on guidance.
Heat to the seat is the best cure for this attitude.
Are you giving me attitude?
Oh, I can see there’s some adjustment due here – attitude adjustment.
Tell me I didn’t just hear you say that to me.
Don’t whine, or I’ll give you something to whine about.
If you want fair, go vanilla.
It’s fair if I say it’s fair, or are you arguing with me?
Do I need to give you a spanking?
Did I ask you to rub?
I don’t recall giving permission to move, so why did you?
We are going to get to the bottom of this, my girl/boy.
I’m going to put you across my knee, and spank that bare bottom of yours until I see genuine and heartfelt remorse – understand?
Oh, don’t even TRY to argue with me, young lady/man.
Come here young lady/man.
What do you have to say for yourself?
I can see I’ve been far too lenient on you lately. Wouldn’t you agree?
When I ask a question I expect an answer, do you understand?
A nod or a shake of the head is not an answer, young lady/man.
And who decides when you get spanked?
Since when have you decided what I do or when I do it?
You might not like the spanking right now, but you’ll warm to the idea, if you know what I mean.
What do you mean, “Stop spanking me now”? Are you giving me orders?
What you need and what you want are two quite different things.
Well, I can see that you need a spanking, don’t you?
Would you like to go and stand in that corner?
I don’t want to hear “yes, but” do you understand?
That would be a “Yes Sir” or “No Sir” answer.
The correct answer would be “Yes Sir, I do need a spanking” wouldn’t it?
Is there something you think I ought to know?
Right, before we begin; is there anything else you’d like to say?
Are you going to come over here or am I going to have to come and get you?
Don’t make me have to come and get you, young man/lady.
Look at me when I’m talking to you (usually said when you are studying the carpet)
Well, what do you have to say for yourself?
If you do that again, I’ll hit you so hard you won’t sit down for a week.
You’re trying to grow up too fast, young man/lady.
Can you think of any good reason why I should not punish you?
There’s only one ‘butt’ I care about.
Go and fetch me the hairbrush.
Stand up straight, hands on your head. Now, it’s time we had a little ‘chat’.
Just wait ‘til I get you home!
Do you want me to stop this car, and spank you right now?
If I hear one more word…. (usually said while you’re trying to answer a question.)
Are you EVER, EVER, EVER going to do that again? (usually said with whacks in between each EVER)
You might as well make yourself comfortable. You’re going to be here a long time.
I have NEVER seen a report as bad as this.
‘Ow’ is not a safe word.
It’s clear our last discussion had no effect, so we’ll have to have a longer discussion.
I was obviously far too lenient last time. I won’t make that mistake again.
I didn’t hear you count that stroke. Obviously, you didn’t think it was hard enough.
Where do you think you are going? Did I tell you to get up?
I see you need some therapy. Heat therapy.
I believe we’ve gone over this before. Obviously this time I need to be more emphatic.
Do you want a trip to Lapland?
You seem to have the idea that you can behave as you please. You’re wrong.

PhilK said...

Great list from Simon. Most of them I've used, but there's some there I'll definitely add to my repertoire.

A few more that might well qualify as 'top logic':

"If you haven't been naughty, how come you're getting spanked?"

"Move out of position, young lady, and I'll start over."

"You're WAY overdue."

"Pouting is a very spankable offence."

"Wearing skin-tight jeans like these is just asking for a spanking."

"A bottom as cute as yours just begs to be spanked."

"Being female and in possession of a bottom qualifies as a spankable offence."

"Of course your panties are coming down. Why would I want to spank clothes?"

"What's fair got to do with it?"

"Your bottom's still sore? Good - then you'll really be able to feel this one."

"Your bottom looks even prettier when it's blushing."

"It's my birthday - so you're getting my birthday spanking. Well, of course you are - who else would get it?"

"You're naughty - you get spanked. I'm naughty - you get spanked. Well, works for me."