I don't think I had realised quite how much stress and tension I was building up inside me. On the outside I felt OK. Yes, I was busy, there were a lot of very important things going on both at work and at home, but I didn't feel that panicky, tense feeling that I often get when I'm stressed, so I sort of assumed I was OK. The thing is, when I was younger, when I first started work, I had quite physical ways of dealing with stress. If something was really getting to me at work, I would go off for a walk, kick tyres on cars, go have a damn good rant in the canteen, throw stones into the river near where we worked... I also knew that it was fairly obvious to people that I worked with that I got stressed about things, and I was told that it would hinder my career if I let that show.
So I started to internalise stress more and more, and apparently got bloody good at it, to the extent that I didn't even realise I was all that stressed until last night.
Halfway through a spanking, a normal "fun" spanking, no scolding (apart from "stop moving" lol), no paying for misdeeds, a dam that I did not even realise was there, broke. When it broke a flood of tears came pouring out and would not stop. I probably cried for a good fifteen minutes (as he continued to spank ;-) ) and then later on when he was caning me I started crying again, probably for another fifteen minutes. To be honest, I'm not even sure I'm done now, the morning after. I think there might still be some tears left in there to cry. The really strange thing is, I'm not crying about anything in particular, which is not like me. It's just this massive release of tension. It's really quite scary that there was that much "emotion" sitting there inside me undealt with, and unacknowledged. I'm very grateful that I did actually have the sort of spanking last night that helped me release some of that, because goodness knows *when* it would have come out otherwise.
Probably at some highly inappropriate and career-limiting moment!
1 day ago