Strange though it sounds, one of the biggest things I've learnt through spanking is how to take a compliment graciously. Well, almost graciously. I'm getting there at any rate.
Now I've always had a fairly major self image problem. Even in the days when I was, if not skinny, as I was never skinny, (too many of my father's "hearty, big boned" genes in the mix), but slimmer than I am now, I was always one of the largest in my year or group of friends. Especially when you start to hit puberty at 11 and grow into your adult body, and friends are two years behind you, it's very, very easy to get a complex about what you look like.
And, being very honest with myself, I should have a complex. I am too fat, I do need to lose weight, but I like yummy food a bit too much, and am never very good at the "not eating it" part. So ah well.
For the majority of my life, I assumed that because I did not subscribe to society norms in terms of body shape, it was impossible for anyone to find me attractive, and if they were paying me a compliment, they must be lying. (I never said I was sane, OK?)
As I've moved through adulthood, I have improved somewhat, but it's only the last couple of years that I've actually started to believe that people might be telling the truth. And of course we all know what I've started doing in the last couple of years...
Now I know that I'm not everybody's cup of tea, and that's not a problem, as a lot of people aren't my cup of tea either, but I've slowly started to realise that rather than being no one's cup of tea, I actually am some people's cup of tea. And also that "attractiveness" is not just about conventional beauty, there's other things involved in the mix. (I always knew this with regard to other people, but didn't think the same standards applied to me...)
So nowadays, if someone says I look cute in a skirt, or hot in a dress, or that my bum is gorgeous, 50% of the time, I smile graciously and say thank you. Of course, the other 50% of the time I think they are insane, blind, in need of help, or all three, but even so, it's a BIG improvement. Who knows, in another 2 years, I might be up to 75% graciousness. Yet another advancement that kink can take credit for.
1 hour ago
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I find it's easier to to believe them and thank they're crazy at the same time. I like slightly crazy people, after all.
I feel just as you do, Eliane. I think most of us struggle with this, regardless of our shape, and usually we look at our insecure girl friends and think, "Is she trippin'?? She's gorgeous!"
One of the dangers of mistrusting people, I have learned, is that it can make _them_ feel devalued. M would sometimes get quite hurt when he'd say I was sexy and my response was basically, Thanks, I'm glad you think so. He'd be like, So basically I am an idiot?? Me: No, no! (but yes, yes...)
*sigh*
I wish it was possible for me to see myself through the eyes of the people who love me. Can't ifone invent an app for that?
Oh, and btw, you _are_ gorgeous.
It's a tough thing to learn (and is something I struggle with myself perhaps for similar reasons to yourself) but well done on making such progress. I hope that your continued forays in the kink world are fun and so positively enriching! x
I've found the very same thing myself. It's wonderful, this spanking lark.
You should never be in any doubt that you are extremely attractive, in every respect. Says he, who's probably never said it face-to-face, but should have done.
I'll second Abel's comment. Lots of people have self image problems, but I noticed you as soon as you walked in the door of the pub, and wanted the opportunity to get chatting.
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