Today's ramblings are inspired by EmmaJane's post the other day.
As she said, I'm a "grown up". I have owned my own house since I was 23, with all that entails. I have a responsible job (even if I occasionally spend time writing things like this during it). I have a wide circle of friends, vanilla and kinky. Some of my outside interests involve me being in a responsible position as well. I'm an organiser, and will often be the one organising holidays or trips away. All in all, I am a responsible adult, I run my own life, and most (some) of the time, I do it well. I only want your help when I ask for it, thank you very much.
However, I'm also the sort of person that can let this responsibility get on top of me. I'm fiercely independent. I'm incredibly stubborn. I will wait until one hand is grasping the ledge and I'm about to tumble down into the crevasse before I will ask for help. I can get myself to the stage where I feel like I'm drowning and life is about to overwhelm me, that I'm failing and letting people down, and am a bad person. And that's what I need to change. I need to learn to cut myself some slack, to realise that I'm not perfect, I can't please everyone, and that I'm not a fundamentally bad and evil person if I forget to send a birthday card or an email, and that it's not worth beating myself up for three days over it.
So, as EmmaJane said, I don't want you to help me run my life, thank you very much, that I can do for myself. What might help, though, is having someone point out to me once in a while, that being a little nicer to myself and a little less unforgiving of weakness would not be monumentally inappropriate.
And when I say "Point", well, you know what I mean!
55 minutes ago
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Funnily enough, an awful lot of subs are very organised, independant and useful in real-life. We also tend to be very hard on ourselves - as I've said a few times, I am my own harshest critic. Which is why I sometimes find playing so cathartic, because I can let go, I can be disciplined, ordered around, helpless, degraded, used.
It's such a good feeling!
I am afraid that this post rather stimulates the top in me. You, my dear, had better hope you never have a RL run-in with Miss Childs, a formidable governess who might, I think, begin to impress upon you the moral errors involved in treating yourself so very unkindly.
xxo
I've seen your humorous email from afar and loved it. Today, loving your post title I "hit" and am now feeling a bit cloned! Ya, Good Luck my Dear. If I find a cure I'll email you! But in the meantime I'll definitely be checking out your blog ;)
Sweetie totally know what you mean - don't be too harsh on yourself and for god's sake don't buy a bed with a velour headboard - Dreams have some rather nice metal bed steaded doubles in the sale...
As Sir Patrick's Lady... I think I am harder on myself than He would like me to be. It's hard to know how to accept all the love He offers me...when I still feel like I don't deserve it.
Thanks for sharing this,
Lady
Yeah, that last paragraph pretty much hits the nail on the head! Of course I talk real life issues through with my Doms, because they're my partners, but the only areas of my life they get to discipline me about are the ones we've negotiated. And mostly, I adore my independence - and I work too hard, so yeah, I much more often need help destressing and winding down than getting motivated!
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